Working the Kinks Out
Your job is to work the kinks out of your relationship with yourself.
That means finding the confidence you buried. It means shedding the pain you carry around. It means trusting yourself. It means not beating yourself up. It means taking responsibility for how you show up in the world without making it contingent on what the outside world does.
The more self-reflection you do. The more you understand yourself within the experience. The more you allow your experience to show you what you’re missing without arguing with it. The more you just allow things to be as they are. The more you will learn about yourself and the easier life will get.
Why does life get easier when you learn to live like this?
Because you’re not trying to control life. You’re not making your experience, your confidence, your trust, your behavior, your attitude, your anything contingent on the external experience. You just do it because you want to do it. You do it because you understand that it makes life easier in the long run. You do it because it empowers you and helps you focus on what you want create.
Every experience you have (particularly the ones you don’t like) offer you the opportunity to heal or release something within yourself. That thing you usually do when that scenario shows up causes more problems than it solves. You do it from pain and that’s the thing that needs to change. When you respond differently to those familiar scenarios, the familiar scenarios begin to change – you get a new outcome.
For the most part, the only thing ever stopping you is you. Your ability to understand yourself within the experience is what allows you to shift your experience.
Believe me, this is something that I’ve gone around and around over the years because it’s been me stopping me from creating the business and life I wanted. That was it. I had to work the kinks out of my own confidence. I had to deal with the pain of my own insecurity. I had to see what life was showing me versus what my pain told me life was showing me. (Those things are very different, by the way!)
Learning these lessons did come with a cost. What did it cost me? My old life – the way things were. It cost me my comfort zone. It cost me a few years as I worked to understand what was happening and learn the lessons I was being offered.
Here’s the thing about time – you lose it anyway if you don’t do it. It’s not like it happens faster if you try to push through it or take control or ignore what’s being offered to you. I’d still be stuck now if I didn’t do it. So was the time really a loss? No. It was a necessary thing that I was going to need to do eventually anyway if I wanted life to change.
The comfort zone was just keeping me stuck. Your comfort zone is a self-created cage that you have the key to. You can leave your comfort zone anytime, it just causes a lot of fear when you try to leave. But here’s the deal – you can’t have what you want from the comfy cage you keep yourself in. You have to free yourself if you wish to create the change you want.
The change doesn’t come immediately either. There is truth in the idea that we do the work within ourselves and then wait for reality to catch up. Reality will catch up and reflect your new way of being, but it takes a bit and you have to allow it. This is where many folks get really stuck. They keep a death-grip on their realities. One of the fastest ways I know to make yourself miserable is to do a bunch of internal work and not allow your reality to shift with you.
Don’t be scared of external change. It’s necessary. Your job is not to force that change to happen. Your job is to allow that change to happen. Your willingness to allow it determines how much your reality reflects your new version of yourself. Your reality will keep showing you that old pain if you don’t allow it to change. That’s part of your work. Release the death-grip of control on your external circumstances and allow them to shift with you.
Your job in life is really very simple – free yourself to understand yourself within your own experience, release the pain you carry around, let go of your death-grip on your external reality, and don’t cramp your style by creating a non-existent cage to keep yourself trapped in.
Learn to manage yourself within the experience instead of constantly trying to manage an experience you can’t control.
Shift your focus back to yourself. Life makes way more sense from that vantage point – trust me on this. I live it every single day. It works.
Happy Halloween!
Love to all.
Della
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