The Journey Has Value
If you follow me on social media, I said no content for a bit so I could write my book and I lied! ;) That’s because when the juicy stuff happens I have to share it with you. Yes, I’m still writing the book. I’ve written almost 10 000 words in 3 days and I’m super excited about what’s showing up there! That will continue, except that I need to write this first!
I’ve said many times that when I follow my intuitive guidance, I do it because I know the value of the journey that I’m about to go on. Even if I don’t know the point of the path or why I’m being asked to go in that direction, I know there are things on that path that I need and I’m willing to go explore that to find them.
I’m no longer afraid of that journey and of those choices because I see the value in them without ever knowing what I’m going to find when I go there. Don’t get me wrong because I used to feel that fear every time my intuition would ask me for something. But what I learned after a lot of repetition was that there was more value in the journey than there was in the outcome. Learning that is what allowed me to let go of the fear of simply going with it.
This is something that I encourage you to do for yourself. Go with it. Try it. See what happens. Pay attention to the journey. Stop worrying so much about where you’re going. There is so much value in the journey that you’re missing out on because you’re scared of it.
Your fear is just your mind telling you that it doesn’t know what’s going to happen. The simple fact is, that’s true, you don’t know what’s going to happen, but you do know this; there is value in being willing to go on the journey. You will get something out of it even if you don’t know what that is yet.
It’s been a whole 3 days and here’s what I’ve gotten so far.
I was asked intuitively to “do what made me happy” and to temporarily drop the external goals that I have so that I could figure out what I actually wanted from my work.
I am stubborn about goals. This is almost going to seem completely counter to what I just offered you about going on the journey. I don’t see a purpose in doing something if there isn’t a goal behind it. I’m okay with the goal of finding new information or searching for truth. I’m okay with the journey being for research purposes because that still provides a goal. But I’m not okay with doing things just because. I don’t like that and I won’t do them if that’s the case.
So when I was given this idea of being happy, my first thought was “what the hell is that?”. That’s kind of opposite everything I talk about now isn’t it? It’s the same reaction you have when I tell you to go make yourself happy. You’re like, “what the hell does that mean?” You have no idea what to do with that and I had exactly the same mental response.
It took me down this rabbit hole of not trusting my choices, never being able to make choices for myself in my own life, not liking myself, and on and on and on. It was a wonderful little tour of old wounds and pain that I didn’t really ask to go on but got anyway.
I’m aware of my own thoughts, so as these thoughts are going through I’m aware of how jenky they are. I’m aware of the pain associated with them. I’m aware of the old wounds. I’m aware of the mind taking advantage of its opportunity to find a reason to make me feel bad. I’m completely aware of all of it the whole time. That means I drop this stuff because it serves absolutely no purpose and has no value. It’s all pain. I told the mind to shove it and dropped all the nonsense that wasn’t helpful to me. I was looking for the truth in this little adventure and the pain definitely wasn’t that.
Within 30 minutes to an hour I found what I needed. What if the work that I was doing, the book that I was writing, the blogs that I was creating, and the content I was making was all okay? What if that was what made me happy? What if there wasn’t a problem with what I was doing?
When my intuition made me question my happiness I immediately thought I was doing something wrong. It made me want to question every life choice I’d ever thought about making for myself. It made me want to question my entire healing journey to see if maybe I was just delusional and on the completely wrong path. It immediately made me believe that I had made a bad choice somewhere and I was on the hunt to find it. That whole story was the root of the problem because the story wasn’t true. It just took me a bit to find that for myself. What I had to do was filter out the pain.
Pain messes with your perception. It messes with my perception too if I let it. There was a story that wheedled its way in there about how my choices must have been bad otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this. That story is based on old pain. It wasn’t true, but if I focus on the pain then I get to stay in the pain. If I can ignore the pain and keep searching, I’ll find what I’m after, which I did.
We get distracted by the pain. How many of you would have thought there was a whole bunch of deep healing work to do right there? How many would have been distracted by the story the mind quickly made up? How many of you would have taken out the hammer and started cranking on yourself with it about all the bad choices you made?
You allow yourself to get distracted by the pain and then you don’t actually find the truth in the journey you’re on. You do that because you’re not paying attention. You’re not aware of yourself. You’re not noticing those thoughts. You’re not catching the story as you’re telling it to yourself. You’re so used to being tuned out that you’re oblivious to what’s happening in your mind.
If you are paying attention then you want to tell yourself about all the healing you have to do because the old story is coming back up again. There is no work to do. None. You’ve already dealt with that. Why is it there? Because you have behavior to shift.
You’re being asked to make a new choice and handle it differently. The Universe is asking you to break the pattern and instead you go right back into it and start pouring over old wounds again. Your pattern of deciding to do a bunch of healing work every time something small shows up keeps you in pain. You are distracted by the pain and it holds your attention. You refuse to pull yourself away from it because of the fear that you might miss some pain that will come back and bite you later on. I promise you that it doesn’t work like that and if you’d simply allow yourself to stop being distracted by the old pain, you’d see that for yourself.
I don’t care if it takes you 3 days to find this story and break it, the point is that you break it. It doesn’t matter that you can’t do it in under an hour, just do it somewhere along the way. Figure it out for yourself. Start to recognize those stories.
I didn’t have a conscious thought that told me to dive back into the old pattern of questioning my choices. That’s a horribly bad habit I have that’s based on old wounds I’ve already dealt with. I needed to break the habit and that was what I did, but I got something else from it when I did that.
That old habit of questioning my choices runs deep and it’s quite unconscious most of the time as I’ve already showed you. When I realized that I was happy in what I was doing, I no longer had to question it. It broke the unconscious habit of wondering whether I was doing it right or not. It allowed me to fully commit to what I was doing without the internal questioning.
I’ve lived a life where I’ve constantly waited for somebody to tell me I was doing it wrong. It’s something that used to happen all the time. I still wait for that to happen to this day. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop in that sense. It can be the smallest thing. If I make a choice of what to make for dinner and somebody says, “you want that?” I’m immediately questioning my choice. That’s not a malicious comment. It’s not meant to be a bad thing. But for me in my head, it perpetuates this idea that every choice I make is bad. This story that I was telling is what caused me to stop making choices for myself. I stopped trusting myself to make good choices. Little things like questioning what I’m making for dinner still trigger the old story if I’m not paying attention.
Guess what? My intuition triggered it too and I was able to manage that relatively quickly, figure it out, and give myself the goal of the journey, which was to stop questioning what I’m doing.
We all know that being human isn’t a perfect system. It’s not about getting it immediately, It’s not about figuring it out right away. It’s about being willing to figure it out at all. It’s about being willing to go on the journey to begin with.
I didn’t know that was going to be the first gate I was going to go through, but I will sure as heck take it! You won’t hear me complaining about that even a little bit because of the value of the commitment to my work that came from it. Now I’m onto the next thing. Now I wait to see what else shows up as I continue to write the book and move through this process.
And do you want to know something else?
I’m excited about the next unknown journey because I have no doubt it’ll be just as valuable as this one was.
Give yourself permission to go on the journey. I promise, it’s worth it. Trust that.
Love to all.