The Freedom of Choice
I’ve gotten to this place in my journey where I’m being offered the ability to choose what I put my power into.
For the first 7 or 8 years of my healing journey most things were acts of blind faith. I was essentially told what to do intuitively and then shown how to interpret what happened as a result of whatever I did.
My life was almost completely guided and most choices were out of my human control for quite a while. That was fine. I wasn’t particularly confident. I was looking for a lot of guidance. I didn’t really want other people making choices for me but I also felt like it needed to be that way because I couldn’t be trusted to do it myself.
I had a lot of healing work to do first. What I got shown was the cause and effect of my own actions. You’d think that would be obvious, but when you’re looking for the truth in what’s happening around you the cause in particular, is not that obvious. They would tell me that if I reacted this way that would happen and if I reacted that way this would happen. They would challenge me to do the thing differently than I normally did to see the effects of my actions and words.
I did that and I did it for a lot of years. In that time I had to get over the fear. I had to trust my intuition and tarot cards implicitly. I had to learn to trust myself (yes, I gained bunches of confidence doing this). I pretty much never got what I wanted but what I got was still better than what I had been getting doing it my own dysfunctional way and that was a good start.
What I was shown was both my own dysfunction and then the weirdness of other people as well. I learned what I had control over and what I didn’t. I learned what was mine and what wasn’t. I learned when my mind was making up stories and creating problems that didn’t exist. I learned how my emotions played up the stories that my mind was making up. I learned how to manage those things as well.
I went through a pretty short phase where they would encourage me to do things that would repeat old cycles. I didn’t understand what was happening, but the point was to get me to start making my own choices. I was being weaned!
When I successfully avoided a few cycles by making different choices and overriding my intuition and the cards, suddenly everything became a choice. I don’t get told what to do anymore. Now I just figure it out on my own more or less. I still get some guidance, but not like I used to. The conversations are optional. Do I really want to do that? Do I really want to put my power there? What am I actually trying to achieve?
That’s the question that I’m working through this week. What deserves my energy and what doesn’t? What do I want? What don’t I want?
Even if you didn’t come from the same wounded place that I did, do you ever consider what you put your energy into? Do you ever think about whether things are worth it to you or not? Or do you just put your power into whatever the next shiny object that shows up is?
What I’ve learned is that society makes us think we’re supposed to put our power into certain things, but that isn’t necessarily true. What you put your power into is a choice. There are very few things in your life that you have to do and chances are, you have a few things in the have to do column that don’t need to be there. What are they?
Maybe it’s the energy. Maybe it’s the planets. Maybe it’s just the way it is right now, but I’m being offered my choice of paths. Pick a direction and go in it. There is no wrong answer right now. It’s just whatever I choose to do, wherever I choose to put my focus, where I choose to place my energy is okay.
Do you want to know something?
I thought these things would be easier choices. It’s not career related like you’ve seen me go through so many times before, where I take everything down and start again. I’m happy with what I’m doing and I have no intention of changing it. It’s general life and relationship choices that I’m making now and it’s well, different than I expected.
I had a lot of things I planned on. I had a lot of choices I that I thought were given in many ways. I just assumed that those were the things I’d be doing. But now I’m questioning those things too.
Do you ever question the things you have in your life and whether you want those things or not? Do you trap yourself into thinking you can’t change those things or do anything about them? Do you victimize yourself with those things?
The mind loves to make up stories about being stuck with things. But those things are literally just stories. It’s the mind trying to make up reasons why not to get you to avoid change. Why does it do that? To keep you safe. It’s not out to get you. It just doesn’t want anything unknown to itself because that’s how the mind works.
If you’re telling a story about how you’re trapped or stuck with certain things, question that story. Why do you think that? Then ask the Universe to show you the truth because it will. You’ll be given an experience that you can use to help you see the truth.
But there’s a catch – you have to be able to see it clearly without the filter of pain you put over everything. You have to be able to see it without the stories of blame, shame, guilt, and victimization you use to understand your life. Those stories aren’t true and they offer you more pain that isn’t part of your experience.
When you remove the filter and stop telling the stories, the experience becomes crystal clear. It took me a long time to figure this out. I didn’t get this skill over night. This took time and practice. But if you’re willing to commit to understanding your experience this way, it will change your life for the better.
Learning to interpret my experience without all the pain was life changing. It allowed me to choose my own behavior, make different choices, and show up differently in my life. I didn’t externally change much of anything, but internally I changed everything.
From a place of some level of clarity I get to make choices for my life and my future now. The key is that I’m not making them from pain. I’m making them from clarity and that makes a massive difference.
When you make choices because you think you have to, there is usually a lot of pain in the background. Those are things you’re telling yourself a story about and the story isn’t true. But when you make choices because you want to, the filter of pain is gone. You’re doing those things because you genuinely want to. The energy is different. As it turns out, the choices I thought I wanted to make were mostly based on pain and insecurity. The choices I actually want to make aren’t based on those things. Go figure!
If you get nothing else from my ramblings this week, just know that it’s okay to make your own choices. It’s okay to stop putting your energy into things you don’t want to do anymore. It’s okay to change. You don’t have to stay stuck. You aren’t stuck. When you allow yourself the freedom to shift, that’s where the magic lives.
Love to all.
Della
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