My Motivation Got Up and Left
I’ve been missing in action. Don’t worry, I didn’t run out of things to say. I ran out of the motivation to say it. Let me explain.
My motivation up until now has been based on external goals. Some of you may know that I was able to pay off the debt that I had and we were gifted a new to us truck. Things have calmed down significantly and that means that the external motivations I had are also, well, gone.
That left me in a bit of a void. If I’m no longer motivated by the external world, then what? That’s the question I’ve been asking for a while now. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
One of the things I’ve always wanted to feel about my writing was that “pull” that some people get, where they can’t stop. They forget to eat and sleep. They are so pulled to write that it’s all they do until they get whatever it is finished.
Well, I suppose since my goals were externally motivated, that wasn’t possible. I needed to learn to enjoy the process of writing, be less bothered by the outcome or getting things done, and allow more flow. External motivation doesn’t offer much in the way of flow. The external world requires us to power through things. It’s masculine energy. Flow is feminine energy that isn’t generally found in external goals.
When I no longer had the external motivation, I just kind of stopped. My intuition tried to offer me other types of external motivation, but I wasn’t interested. Nothing that’s going on around me right now is worth putting my energy into. I’m simply not interested anymore.
Finally, I started questioning where the motivation had gone to. If I wasn’t interested anymore, then where did that leave me? What was next? I was offered the idea intuitively that I needed to find the internal “pull” that I’d been asking for. Oh. Now I get it.
By the way, when you ask for things, you get them. They don’t always come in the way you expect, but they do come. This seems like an obvious path now that I see it. But it wasn’t very obvious when I started this journey.
I’ve been given the opportunity to experience what I want. I’ve been given the opportunity to connect with my writing on a much deeper level than I have so far. And what am I doing with that? Not a damn thing.
Why?
Because apparently I need to deal with the fear of it or the concerns I have about it. It’s a blind path. The thing with external motivators is that the destination is very much known. The thing with internal motivators for me at the moment, is that the destination is very much unknown. I’m not sure what’s going to come out of this. I don’t know where I’m going to end up.
Will I do it anyway?
Yes, of course I will. As I often say, it’s not a question of whether or not I’ll do it. It’s only a question of how long it takes me to get there. Yeah, sometimes I wriggle around in it for a while first. Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake, much to the annoyance of my intuition, but I always get there. So here I sit, writing this blog because that’s the process. That’s always been the process.
When I’m offered something intuitively through my cards, I have to write about it to clarify it. Whether I do that publicly or not, the writing part needs to happen before anything else can take place. If I procrastinate on the writing because I’m a little concerned about what’s going to show up, then I get to wriggle around in the uncomfortable feelings for a while. Let’s just say, that’s what I’ve been doing most of this week.
Is it uncomfortable or annoyed? Both actually. I’m somewhat annoyed at my external world and I’m somewhat uncomfortable with what’s coming next. Both are true.
From where I am at the moment, the external world is what it is. There is nothing within my power right now that I can do to change it. That means just accepting things as they are. Been there. Done that. I will do it again. By the way, even if there were something within my power I could do to change things, I’m so unmotivated right now, I’m not sure I’d do it anyway. So, as I often say in my posts, drop the story. Stop paying attention to it. If it’s not offering you anything new, shift your focus away from it.
As for my writing, I just need to do it already. I know that. Will there be some hiccups here? Yes, no doubt there will be. Will I figure it out? Yep because that’s just what I do.
Life has taught me how to handle all this stuff. It doesn’t always mean I want to, it just means I can. I know, from a lot of experience, that there is far greater value in the reward for doing the work than I will ever understand from where I am right now.
The unknown future will almost always make your present self uncomfortable and that’s a good thing. It means there is something new to experience. It means there is more to learn. It means the expansion is continuing. Getting okay with being uncomfortable will make this journey much easier.
It’s okay to take a pit stop. It’s okay to re-evaluate, see where you are, look around, and pat yourself on the back for how far you’ve come.
To be in a place where I get the opportunity to shift my motivation because the external world is no longer offering me much of anything, shows exactly how far I’ve come. It’s a good thing.
Give yourself some credit. You’re doing it, just like me!
Love to all.
Della
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